If you’re a high achieving, type A person, you might have rigid expectations about how your life is going to unfold. Maybe you dream of becoming a doctor or professional athlete. Perhaps you expect you’ll meet your life partner by 25, get married by 30, and have a house and kids by 35. Maybe you assume your body will stay healthy and continue to allow you to run marathons for years to come. Or you expect you’ll always have a close relationship with your parents and siblings.
No matter how hard you work toward your vision, at some point your life isn’t going to go as planned. So, what do you do then?
Learn from other people’s experiences
Identify other people who have encountered unexpected challenges in their lives. These could be people you know personally or they could be celebrities, athletes, or other public figures. Find a way to learn about their story. If they are in your social circle reach out to chat. If they are a public figure, try to find an interview or their memoir if they’ve written one. Hearing (or reading) other people’s stories can help us feel less alone and can also give us ideas for how to shift perspective on our own challenging experiences. As you witness other people telling their stories, notice how they initially reacted to the change or challenge. Observe how their thinking evolved over time. Pay attention to what they learned or how they made meaning from their experiences.
If you’re not sure where to start, check out the podcast A Slight Change of Plans hosted by Maya Shankar. The show features interviews with people who have experienced a variety of unexpected life changes.
Narrate your own story
Have you ever heard of the Hero’s Journey? Chances are you’ve read a book or watched a movie that follows this story structure. According to an article from TIME, “In its most elementary form, a hero goes on an adventure, emerges victorious from a defining crisis, and then returns home changed for the better.” Think Marlin’s journey in Finding Nemo. Marlin set off on an adventure across the ocean to find his son. He had to face his fears, overcome unexpected obstacles, and get help from other animals along the way. Throughout his journey he became a more confident, flexible, and optimistic fish. He stopped letting fear dictate his life and parenting choices.
When you find yourself on an adventure that you did not choose, consider how you can be the hero in your own journey. How can you stick to your values despite the challenges you face? What can you learn? How can you find meaning while walking a path you didn’t choose? Research shows that viewing your life as a Hero’s Journey can help you access an enhanced sense of meaning in your life.
Ready to rewrite your own story? Try some of the exercises provided in the article from TIME.
Practice patience and take breaks
As you work toward shifting your perspective, be patient with yourself. It could take weeks, months, or even years to accept what has happened, make meaning from it, and move forward. Try to oscillate between actively working on rewriting your story and taking breaks from thinking about it. This could look like journaling at a coffee shop or talking to your therapist about it for an hour, and then getting your mind off it by going to a movie with friends. Be patient. Take breaks. You’ll get there.
If you’re interested in navigating a life change and want the support of a therapist, I’m here to help. I specialize in helping high-performing adults lean into meaningful, values driven-lives. Schedule a free consultation to see if we are a good match.
This blog post isn’t intended as professional counseling or clinical advice. If you’re in need of support, please consider speaking to a professional to be evaluated.